Blood Blood Blood

more or
less how I

feel.

Traffic Control

If you never had a day a snow cone couldn't fix, then you can't relate. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Expletive. Expletive. Sleep. Expletive. It's 3 in the morning. I'm not trying to trick you, I'm trying to help you. Let freedom ring, they done tapped the telephone. Home, stoned, all alone.

wheel. The machine is forever built and rebuilt. The operator is our collective We're all simply waiting on a very large line, awaiting our chance to ride a very small ferris consciousness. There are many people who get to ride the ferris wheel for a
i don't know what the fuck is going on. it's so easy to do. backwards. no sound.

there are 76 trombones playing in my head.

Judgement Yard

I always get performance anxiety before I play a show. But I'm not nervous about myself, I'm worried about the crowd. Like, what if they hate it so much they leave? They just wasted like $20 and a bunch of time. I feel bad that I inadvertently stole from them. That's not right, is it? I always ask questions but none of them are going to get answered. My speech is on the fritz. I can't seem to formulate words properly, maybe I got lobotomized in my sleep.

My girlfriend is home and I am happy.

Intoxication #1

I took drugs. I drank Samuel Adams Summer Beer. I smoked a joint of some Christian marijuana. I got my wish and played some Need For Speed and a little Fight Night on Zack's Xbox 360. I am well darkened, as the Cajuns say.

You know, I was walking down the street eating some sushi, and I got the weirdest looks from other people, like I was breaking some social barrier and that it was impolite of me to assume that other people would be comfortable with digestion in motion. Fuck them. They're all, "Well if you're gonna eat on the street, then I'm gonna fucking eat on the street." and I'm just like, "Dude eat on the street then."

They go to the same church.

Lucid Trees

On the subway today I was yelled at by a black man missing his 2 front teeth. My iPod was blaring against the clickity-clack of the train so I actually have no clue as to what he told me, all I know is that he said it very loud, and the girl sitting across from me laughed. It must have been something clever. If you're not listening to someone speak, are they still talking? Does it even matter?

I feel insignificant. I wish I had some video games to take my mind off of everything that swirls around me. I'll never be depressed as long as I'm never happy. I don't know what I'm looking for. It sucks to be myself. It kills me to think they say I'm becoming something else. Yet i feel the same, and dirty, and guilty, and alone, and needing to acknowledge that I need no approval. Brothers, sisters, orphans, and dolphins. Simple ideas require repetition. Is life here really worth saving?

RIP Kurt Vonnegut

When the last living thing
has died on account of us,
how poetical it would be
if Earth could say,
in a voice floating up
perhaps
from the floor
of the Grand Canyon,
“It is done.”
People did not like it here.

-Requiem by Kurt Vonnegut

Analysis

I've been having some strange dreams lately, some frightening others confusing. I don't know if they're meaningful or just subconscious thoughts presented in some twisted pose. My anxiety is at an all time high; I've never felt so manic. I know I'm not being a decent person, I'm just flailing about in the ocean trying to hold on to water. I hope everyone is saved. I hope everyone can redeem themselves. I hope the weather gets nicer. I hope I grow up. I hope they stop doing construction outside of my window every morning and I hope the helicopters hovering around Manhattan all lose lift. I hope my mom can be happier. I hope my girlfriend can be happier. I hope I can be happier. Most of all I hope I'm not alone when it happens.

After all the bullshit, here are some cute kitties:

Choose a Bright Morning

Everyone's favorite, unknown band from Uppsala, Sweden has announced their European tour dates, and don't I just wish I lived in Glasgow to catch them play at King Tuts. If you're totally out of the loop, check out Jeniferever's myspace page and be sure to watch their video for Alvik, their new single. My personal favorite off their new album might be A Ghost In The Corner Of Your Eye, with Swimming Eyes a close second.

The scenery of somewhere else.
I wish things were that simple,
That leaving solves everything.
That departing covers mistakes you've made,
The wrong turns you took years ago,
That leaving solves everything.

Summertime is my Favorite Pastime

Metropolitan living got you down?
Can't keep up with the pace?
Too many occupied taxis and crowded subways?
Starting fist fights with alcoholic neighbors?
Bored of the same old homeless people?

WELL, HAVE I GOT AN ACTIVITY FOR YOU!

Come on up to the New York Historical Society where slavery is always fashionable and old paintings run the show. Security guards are always pleasant and the reading room on the 3rd floor has Greek dictionaries for all your etymology needs.

Afterwards you can go right across the street to Central Park and make fun of tourists spending $30 on a pedicab ride! Or take a gander at the gigantic Blue Whale at the Natural History museum and buy some astronaut ice cream.

Apartment Story

I can talk all the nonsense I want, and my abecedarian wit will not compensate for my lack of intelligence. I think the the Writer was correct in his assumption when he said,

"A man writes because he is tormented, because he doubts. He needs to constantly prove to himself and the others that he's worth something. And if I know for sure that I'm a genius? Why write then? What the hell for?"

And what about the Professor? Didn't he have some good points? That everything takes just as much faith as it does truth in order to function. Even if something doesn't exist, if enough people believe in it, does that make it real? If hope provides a false relief does that same hope deserve to be destroyed? I don't know.

I was looking out my window and I saw some fire engines and a mother and her son on the roof of their apartment. I see some orchids in the window of someones apartment. There's a parakeet that flies around that same room. There's wine to be drank! Or is it drunk!? I don't know.

Disposable cameras from 20 years ago and Super Nintendo. Dragonfly across an ancient sky. Individual packets of mayonnaise and ketchup. Mixtapes and the like. Control, Alt, Delete. Band-aids and chocolate cake. Cement trucks and Hungarian restaurants.

Quick, post a picture so nobody will read what you wrote. Wait a minute here, mister! Hey, I'm talking to you! If I don't make it home will you call my wife?